(the LJ version starts with the lyrics of I’m Coming Out; copyright violation omitted here)

Yes, that Means Something. I’ve been living a Second Lie for the past three and a half years, and I can’t do it any more. Shirley is a woman, and always has been. But her typist isn’t.

The strange thing is that, aside from the one big thing, everything that I say about myself is true. The big shared house, returning to school at a major Boston area university, the jobs, the hobbies, the spouse. But she’s a wife, not a husband. I don’t hide my interests or my knowledge.

So, the big question… why? I’ve been a woman in various forms of online community for over ten years now; my original name was Shirley You Jest, from the joke in Airplane! When I first started being female online it was an experiment, but I quickly discovered that I enjoyed being a part of women’s conversations much more than the male ones – all the things I have written in this LJ about the differences in how men and women are treated in Second Life are true, and were true in pre-SL electronic community as well. I also enjoy being an equal opportunity flirt

When I came to Second Life it was natural for me to want to live as a woman and I kept the name Shirley. I have never regretted the decision to live my Second Life as I do, only the need that I felt to not be honest about it. But I have found acceptance of my RL gender here; I owe eternal gratitude to the Bisexuals in Second Life group, the community of artists at Brooklyn is Watching, and most recently the wonderful people at FABGlitter.

Do I want to be a woman in RL? In a perfect world (say, one where switching is as simple as in a John Varley story and works as competely – see the short story “Options” or the novel Steel Beach), yes. In our imperfect world, where one can transition only at great expense to achieve an imperfect and irreversible result, I’m more hesitant, especially since it would mean leaving my wonderful wife behind. And my REAL dream is to be a beautiful and sexy woman like Shirley, whereas the reality is that I would be 50-something and probably not especially attractive. So given the real world choices available, no, although I want to (and already have) become a bit more like her – being Shirley has taught me to be more outgoing and to take better care of my body. Yes, the Proteus Effect works even when it’s physically impossible!

So… how is this relevant to Brooklyn is Watching? I was active here on the blog for quite a while and then I disappeared. Partly it was RL getting in the way, I had a job with the Census Bureau for a while. But it was also a result of my increasing jaded feelings about Second Life; that interfered with my ability to write about the wonderful art at BIW because I would have just come here and dissed all of it, which would not have served anybody well.

My presence here at BIW was my first major step on the road to coming out; once I started doing the podcasts I did them in my own voice without any attempts at disguise such as a voice morpher, and gave my real first name. As time went by, here at BIW and elsewhere, I came to realize that my increasing disconnection with SL came in part from the disconnect between my SL personality and my RL self.

The final step on the road was discovering a community of wonderful women at FABGlitter. Many of the FAB girls, like me, have real-world selves that are otherwise, but we come together as a true sisterhood in the world of Second Life. And with that final step, and coming out to the world, I have rediscovered my joy in SL, and I hope to pass along that joy by renewing my mission of photographing and reviewing the art here at BIW.

Hugs to everyone here at BIW, I love you all!!

Posted by Shirley Marquez on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 12:29 pm.